Fat Moment 2: Knowing what to say

I have said it before, there is nothing wrong with being on the chunky side.  Most people don’t want a skinny woman or man.  I call it having a chunk of love.  As a big person though, there are certain things you shouldn’t say when you are around a lot of people or ordering food.  One thing is saying I’m really not that hungry but let me get a number 1 super sized with a diet coke, two double cheese burgers and two apple pies.  Ok, first keep it real.  If you are coming into a fast food restaurant about to do damage to some food, do your thing.  But don’t say I’m really not that hungry but order the whole left side of the menu.  That’s not a good look.  Another thing that I have heard is I really need to watch what I eat but they are standing in line at Dairy Queen.  Things like that make you want to say, really you just realized while standing in the line at Dairy Queen that you need to watch what you eat?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a small guy and have had many fat moments.  I’ll let you know I’m about wreck some food and won’t be ashamed to say it.  But you won’t hear me say I need to watch what I eat before or after I just ate a large pizza and drank a two liter of soda.  And finally, when I heard this I wanted to throw a soda on that person for saying this.  The person was eating and said I shouldn’t eat one more bite because I don’t want to get any bigger.  YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  I don’t care if it’s a joke or you are trying to be funny but if you are sitting at a table with your gut hanging out, you really shouldn’t say something like that.

Whether you are big or small, you should know what to say and not to say in public.  What makes it funny sometimes is that they realized what they have said but it’s too late.  To most, it doesn’t bother them and they keep it moving.  To others, they will have that look as to say I can’t believe I just said that.  Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa.  Until the next time, stay cool.

MN State Fair

The MN State Fair aka The Great Minnesota Get Together and after what I saw this year and it previous years it should be called The Great Minnesota Get  Together of Uncoordinated Misfits, they need to have not only rules and regulations for the fair but maybe a dress code for the fair like the nightclubs.  Before I get into the severe dress code violation, I want to talk about other things I saw like kids on leashes.  Everybody has seen this before at the mall or a park or anywhere.  I would never in a million year put a leash on my kids or anyone for that even if that was your freaky thing.  Some of these parents crack me up.  You mean to tell me you have no control over a 3 year old kid that you need to put a leash on?  YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  What ever happen to the speech that kids used to get before even getting out of the car?  I’m not the only one that got that speech.  If you can’t keep an eye on your kids at a fair, you don’t need to be there or bring them.  And how would you like having a leash on as a parent?  Wait, the way some people are these days, they might like it with their freaky butts.  Moving on, back to the dress code violations at the fair.  I’m saying this as a man that has seen enough in only one day, FANNY PACKS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!!!  If you are not in the medical field or a lifeguard at a swimming pool, you should not be allowed to wear those. I’m not saying that whoever invented fanny packs was wrong but there are too many types of bags, purses or backpacks in this day and age to put a fanny pack to rest.  There should be a rule that if you see anyone with a fanny pack on, you should have the right to karate chop that person in the throat and beat them with their own fanny pack.  It is 2011 not 1981.  Another thing that I saw was women in boots at the fair.  It is the state fair not the nightclub.  When you think of a fair, you think of a lot of walking and being hot depending on the weather.  Who are you trying to impress at a state fair?  They don’t give out awards for walking the longest distance with boots on in 90 degree weather.  And last, if you know that you are going to the fair, wouldn’t you think you would put a little more thought into what you are going to wear.  I mean if it is going to be hot, you wouldn’t wear a long sleeve shirt or if you knew it would be a little chilly, you would bring a light weight coat or sweat shirt.  But don’t come to the fair looking like you just rolled out of bed, headed to a nightclub or your color coordination is way off.  Why do people think pajama pants are fashionable in public?  What makes it sad, it is grown adults that are doing it.  They need to be dropped kicked back to sleep for that.  There’s no need to dress to impress at the fair.  It is 90 degrees outside and you want to come to the fair in a long sleeve button up and leather pants.  You deserve to pass out from heat exhaustion wearing that to the fair.  A word of advice, a tie dye shirt, plaid shorts and tan socks with black shoes does not go together.  Take your butt back home and put on some solid colors.  And make sure everything fits from the shirt down to your shoes or sandals.  I don’t think I need to repeat myself, all I’m going to say is to read some of my other blogs like BIG PEOPLE/little clothes and Big feet/little sandals or flip flops.  But I did see something new.  If your foot is oozing off the side of your sandals or flip flops like cooking dough oozing off of a table, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!

There are people that dress to stand out at the fair and make a statement.  Then there are people that don’t want to make a statement but do for all the wrong reasons.  Follow me on Twtter @wlhoward_psa.  Until the next time, stay cool.

End of Summer Review 2011

It is coming down to the last few days of summer.  Kids will be going back to school and parents will be very happy their kids are going back to school because the kids were getting on their last good nerve.  A lot of kids and some adults will be starting or going back to college.  Now it’s time to put away some of the dress code violations that almost took over the summer.  Just to name a few like the too short shorts for women.  If you have to keep pulling on your shorts every time you get up from sitting down or move, you shouldn’t be wearing them.  As a matter of fact, you knew you shouldn’t have put them on before you left the house but now it’s too late to change, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  Another thing that bothered me with some of these clothes women were wearing was short or too short shirt but they have their arms around their stomach like they were hugging themselves.  Why wear a shirt if you are not comfortable in it?  You need your ass beat for buying that shirt.  Men, it’s time put away the skinny jean short and thong flip flops you bought at the dollar store.  I have a feeling that the skinny jean fad will fizzle out one day and men will finally come to their senses.  And when did cut off jean short come back in style?  As far as the flip flops, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!  You’re a grown man wearing sky blue thong flip flops that you bought at the dollar store but try to say you bought them somewhere else.  I want to step on your ashy feet for that.  Also men, quit wearing too little baseball caps.  You look like you stole that hat from your little brother and makes your head look big as hell.  How do you go from wearing your hat too big to wear them too small?  Another thing that bothered me about some men was the very loud colors they were wearing.  If it was just the shirt, that’s cool.  If it was just the shorts, that’s cool.  But wearing both shirt and shorts, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  Coming out of the house looking like a bright neon color fluorescent light bulb.  And finally, I don’t mind seeing men or women wearing sandals with socks.  Key word is sandals not flip flops. There is a difference.  But don’t wear long socks with sandals or sleepy socks with sandals.  Sleepy socks are socks that don’t stay up because the elastic is stretched out.  And men, same rules apply to you as to women about wearing the right size sandals.

Fall is rapidly approaching and next thing you know it, the snow will be falling.  There will be some bad cross over season’s dress code violations like winter coats and sandals, boots and shorts.  Look out for those blogs as well as others.  Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa. Until the next time, stay cool

Nasty A** People

Have you seen someone do something that you thought was nasty and thought to yourself, did they really just do that?  I’m not talking about something you do at home because some people do the some of the nastiest stuff at home like clip their toe nails while you are eating popcorn.  Hasn’t happen to me but just saying.  I’m talking about out in public, at a park, a restaurant or anywhere out for that matter.  One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to nasty people is when someone blows their nose at the dinner table or at a restaurant.  How hard is it to excuse your nasty butt from the table and go to the restroom rather than blow your nose in a crowded restaurant or at the dinner table, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  I wish I could stab them with a rusty butter knife for that or spill a soda on them.  What ever happen to the “5 second rule”?  And does it apply at certain restaurants?  This is one of those moments when you just so happen to look up from having your face all in your food and look up to see someone pick up something off of the floor.  My thing is, how do you not know anyone is looking.  Unless it’s the last bite of food and within 5 seconds, you might as well take a lose on that food when it hits the floor.  Now, must people that know me know that I can’t stand feet so when I see someone sitting at the bus stop picking at their foot, it makes me want to hop the curb and run them over.  You couldn’t have found anything else to do while waiting for the bus like read a book, play a game on your phone or even people watch, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  You know, that may need more than that, how about SMACK YOURSELF with that hand you were picking your foot with you nasty butt.  One of the funniest things to see but still nasty is catching someone picking their nose at a stop light or driving.  What makes it funny is when they look over to see if anyone is looking, their finger is still in their nose.  You couldn’t have used a piece of tissue to blow your nose when the car is stopped?  Instead you decided to go gold digging and got caught.  What were you going to do if you struck gold anyway?  I’m surprise they didn’t hit a bump and get their finger stuck.

There’s not much that creeps or grosses me out.  As a kid, I was taught that if you need to blow your nose, excuse yourself from the dinner table.  It’s sign of respect to not gross everyone out at the table or in the restaurant.  I have a feeling this is just the start of a few more nasty people moments.  Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa.  Until the next time, stay cool.

Haircuts and Hairstyles

I remember when men would go to the barbershop and get just a regular haircut like a fade, get a line up or a trim.  Same with women when they go to the hair salon they would get braids, a decent hairstyle, get their ends clipped, get some highlights or even get some weave put in.  Even some of the old school haircuts are coming back like the high top fade or having your name or other words cut into your hair.  But these days, it’s crazy what some of these people are coming into the barbershops or hair salons asking for or even what they do to their hair after they leave the shop.  Since when did the mohawk haircut make such a comeback?  And when was it ever in style?  And who decided to put different color hair dye in their hair with it and cut words on the side like the old school regular haircuts?  They should have “Something is wrong with me, HELP ME!!!!” cut in the side if they have a mohawk.  They look like Mr. T on drugs.  Men if you need to use an afro pick for your mohawk, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!  I understand if some guys do it for a sport or something short term.  And Wiz Khalifa got all these kids and some adults putting yellow dye in their hair.  But what would you do if you were to spill the dye in your hair?  Now you look like a circus clown without the make-up.  And why are some women getting fades or just cutting one side of their hair.  Word of advice, just like some men with mohawks, just because Amber Rose looks good with a very short hairstyle doesn’t mean you do.  If your head is shaped like a bullet, football or a cone head women, you shouldn’t cut all your hair off.  If you still try to pull it off with you head looking like a bullet, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  This is where you will know who your true friends are because they would tell you that’s not a good look.  Some women look very good with a short haircut.  Also with these sometimes weird hairstyles, I’m starting to see a somewhat role reversal in terms of hair.  I’ve seen men with long dreads & braids talking to women with fades & mohawks.  Wow, is this what the world is coming to?

Haircuts and hairstyles are just like what I was talking with clothes, they all don’t go with everybody.  Celebrities are also victims of bad haircuts and hairstyles too.  Just because you see someone else with haircut doesn’t mean you need to get it.  Be yourself and except who you are.  The only person that can change what you are or want to be is you.  Be a leader not a follow.  Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa.  Until the next time, stay cool.

Little guys in TOO BIG clothes

I had to talk about the big people for wearing too small clothes because it was getting a little out of hand.  Now it’s time to get on the little guys.  Little guys, why do you feel the need to buy and wear the biggest shirt and pants in the store?  Do you think you will eventually grow into them one day?  Do you feel that wearing big clothes will help with your little guy complex?  What is the reason for that?  If you are 5’3” or smaller and not even weigh 105 pounds soaking wet, why do you need to have a 3XLT shirt with some 38 waist jeans?  Correction, why are wearing a 4XLT shirt under 2XLT shirt with some 38 waist jeans and a belt that hangs down to your ankles, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  Really, you couldn’t find anything closer to your own size to fit you at all?  Not only that, why are you even in the big & tall section anyway knowing you should be in the kids section at JC Penny looking for a extra medium shirt?  And who told you that looked good?  They need to get slapped.  That’s like Spud Webb wearing Shaq’s clothes.  You could fit you and another person into them clothes.  If your shirt looks like a long sleeve dress, you shouldn’t be wearing it.  It’s not a good look when you have to cuff your jeans more than four times or seeing you back pockets at your ankles.  I’m surprised that any little guy with too big clothes on doesn’t turn into a kite when it’s windy outside.  If I was a real big guy, I would literally step on every little guy with oversized clothes on.  Maybe that’s why bigger guys wear smaller shirts because the little guys have taken all the big sizes.  It’s like a role reversal in terms of clothes.

You would think after a certain age, they would eventually snap out of it and buy some clothes that fit just a little loose.  Then they would sound like the older generations when they look at old pictures and say “What in the hell was I thinking to wear that”. Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa.  Until the next time, stay cool

Skinny Jeans

First, let me clarify who I am talking about before women think I’m talking about them.  I’m talking about any guy under the age of 30 because I don’t think and I hope anyone over the age of 30 wear those.  Men, what in the hell were you thinking when you decided to make skinny jeans fashionable?  Back in the day when they were not called skinny jeans they were called hip huggers or tight jeans and not tight meaning they look good, you would get talked about.  I guess not much has changed because I’m talking about whoever wears skinny jeans.  Maybe it’s because of the wrong guys are wearing them.  If it takes you more than ten minutes just to put skinny jeans on, you shouldn’t be wearing them.  How does it take more than ten minutes to put them on and only pulled up just below your butt with a belt that you really don’t use but for fashion?  If you are one of those guys that wear an extra small shirt that only comes to your waist but you pants are below your butt, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  Quit stealing your little brother’s shirts or buying too little shirts.  If you are over 250 pounds or look like an offensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings, YOU NEED YOUR ASS BEAT!!!!  Do you know how bad you look in skinny jeans?  Key word is SKINNY.  Anyone that works in a clothing store and see a big guy try to buy some skinny jeans, call security and have them because it would probably take more than one security guard since it’s a big guy throw his big butt out of the store like Jazzy Jeff used to on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  If you wear size 13 shoes or bigger, you shouldn’t be wearing skinny jeans either.  You look like you have some skies on.

I understand people want to have their own style but what should you do if the style you choose doesn’t fit you.  Be comfortable in what you wear so you don’t have keep a hold on your jeans while walking.  Follow me on Twitter @wlhoward_psa.  Until next time, stay cool.